A little miracle

July 15, 2012
This seems appropriate to me to write this experience down now, so that I can remember it at lower times. To say this week has been difficult, doesn't cut it-- seemingly impossible is more fitting. Family and friends swooped in and really rescued me hourly. So in that context, the violent stomach flu that hit me this morning seemed set at finishing me off.
I'd slept well, intended to fast, and started to get myself and the girls ready for church, when the thing hit. My fear of stomach problems comes from the way they intensify the muscle problems and together they can quickly land me in a hospital as one hot mess. Today's problems were the same.
After one extra brutal round in the bathroom, I landed on my bed praying with both arms up over my eyes, "OK Heavenly Father, what should I do?". There seemed to be a small pocket of light, even with my eyes closed, that I could focus on. When a discouraging or inappropriate thought came, I tried harder to focus on that light patch and ask again what I should do. Then came my own little miracle.
It started with my left arm, I felt each muscle give dramatically and without any help from me-- Biceps, triceps, forearm muscles, hand-- and fall limp at my side. My 2 year muscle disease means that I could sooner change day to night than make of my own will any muscle in my body relax completely; I know this was Heavenly Father's doing and not my own.
I continued to pray and focus on the light patch in my mind while each muscle and limb gave out slowly till I was flat on my bed and could not move. Totally relaxed, when relaxation has evaded me for so long. From this point, with my arms above my head on the bed, I felt a tug in the middle of my abdomen and then upward movement (the thought of "up" wasn't encouraging but I put my trust in what Heavenly Father had done so far). On my upper left side, I started to hear a squirting sound every few seconds- I think it may have been my pancreas secreting digestive enzymes- and then a small pinch like the chyme had re-entered the stomach pushing pass the sphincter there. My gut was churning for a few more moments and then I was asleep and simply could not move.
Eden, who had seen me throwing up earlier, was concerned but quick thinking. She came in and asked if she should tell Erika who came up later, saw me in what felt like drifting in and out of conscious but was just a heavy sleep, and took care of my girls.
When I heard someone at my door, my weakness at pulling myself off the bed was a bit shocking and my head tremor was dramatic. Dad and one of his bishops had come to give me a blessing. In the blessing, they promised me strength and stamina to face the day and enjoy my children. Had it not been for my earlier experience, I wouldn't have believed them, but I leaned on those statements and even as the blessing closed I felt strength coming back to me little by little.
The time now, is almost 11:00am and I'm amazed to think all of this has happened in just a three hour time span but it did happen. I want to openly express my appreciation to Heavenly Father, for the way He showed me He is aware of me and will take over after I've done all I can do- whether through Himself like he did today or by those who He inspires to do His work- like He's done for the past few years. He is in the subtle and the dramatic- I want to remember that better and longer. I believe the power of the atonement and the Savior's power over the body healed me today and I know that this same power will heal me totally and permanently at the resurrection. Because of that, I can have a 'patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ' that will 'in the sight of God our Father' continually bless my life and the life of those I love.